Spy SG

Okay. Here goes. I have kept quiet about this for a long, long time but I have to say this now or Cookie will be taken away from me forever. And this is going to be a really angry post, somehow.

If I remember correctly, I found Cookie at the beginning of the year, around February. I remembered how I insisted I cannot keep him because I already have Gucci and also because I'm not financially independent enough to care for another dog. But then the worst incident happened when some A-hole lost him, and I told myself I would not let him go through that kind of trauma again, all just in the hope of finding him a good home. I say "trauma" because I can still see in my mind's eye the defensive way Cookie snapped at Rachel after he came back from the SPCA. I know something must have happened to him, I just don't know what because I wasn't there. Ever since I got him back, he's shown signs of stress and fear. Such a big, black fierce-looking dog like him is actually a coward at heart because of what he suffered while exposed to the big bad world out there. Besides the snapping at Rachel just that one time, I can recall so many other incidents. It happens everyday, like on his walks. Now, whenever I bring him down for his walk and the lift door opens at the ground floor to reveal a bunch of people waiting to get in, he would back-pedal in fright. I would have to drag him out by force while telling him it's okay. Even if there is no one standing outside, he would exit the lift crouched so low, like something might jump out and eat him up. After his walk, he would be so jittery while waiting for the lift with his tail down, and once the door opens, he would rush in past my feet in a hurry. I remember one time, we were already in the lift but then one of my neighbours started running from the other direction just as the lift doors were closing. He called out to me as he ran, "Wait for Uncle, wait for Uncle!!" I pressed the "door open" button because he wanted to get in, but that scared Cookie so much - the mere sight of a man running towards him, so much so that he involuntarily peed on the floor after his walk and I had to clean it up. I also remember changing the plastic bag on my wastepaper basket one time, and when I took the empty basket to put it over Cookie's head as a joke, he ducked every single time. I thought he'd think it was fun, and I kept it up for about one minute before I grew tired of it. When I came back a few minutes later, he stood there gurgling and then he threw up. It shocked me because I didn't know he was that afraid. I never did it again, but it sheds even more light on just HOW timid he is now. He's scared of rustling plastic bags, he's scared of thunder, scared of the pail that the HDB cleaner places next to the lift every morning, scared of humans, of old ladies pushing grocery trolleys to the market, of bicycles and loud rumbling lorries. So many things.

And whose fault is it? Not mine. I didn't lose him. And it makes me really angry whenever I think about it because I just don't see why he should suffer for the rest of his life because of someone's carelessness. _|_ And that is also part of the reason why I told myself I'd try my best to keep him and support 2 dogs, and myself. Operative words being "try my best". Why the hell do you think I have to sell my clothes and my PSP and what-not? And to think people can ask me on my tagboard straight in my face, if I am broke. Yes, I am. So? You have a problem with it? I am always broke because I have 2 dogs to feed. A huge part of whatever I earn goes to their food, and for Gucci, his vet bills. If you don't own a dog, then too bad if you don't know how costly vet bills can get. Nadia introduced me to TK while I was trying to rehome Cookie, and TK told me that I have to train Cookie up before I could do anything, like find him a home. So, TK offered to do it. He trained Cookie for only 2 lessons. And that's it. The lesson schedule was very erratic. Actually, no. It's too few to be erratic, even. I couldn't actually come right out and tell him off to be more serious either, because the lessons are free. And by then, I'd already grown attached to the little rascal. So can you imagine right now - 6 months later, just how much more attached I am? And can you seriously blame me for that? Am I not supposed to love a dog?

Ever since Cookie came into my life at the beginning of the year, I have been trying to avoid the AVA and the Town Council like crazy. I have a neighbour on the 3rd floor. She keeps not one but TWO mongrels. But I don't see her complaining to me that the AVA comes knocking on her door all the time, unlike me. And why? Because my neighbours complained to the authorities. I have really fucked-up neighbours, so if for some weird reason my neighbours are reading this (just like they're equally weird and evil for alerting the authorities), I wish to tell them to royally go fuck a duck. If their son/daughter is reading this, I want to tell them to tell their mum or dad that karma will come back and bite them in the ass. You know who you are. I know who you are.

I don't understand what the hell there is to complain about. My dogs don't really make a great deal of noise. If it's the case of peeing in the corridor, I have a VALID reason. Gucci does it because he's old. He knows he cannot pee in the house but sometimes he still does. Yes, me and my mum do a lot of cleaning and mopping up after Gucci. He's been trained to wait until it is time for his walk but now he's aging and his bladder is weak, so sometimes when he's urgent, he'd let it go in the corridor once he's OUT of the house because he knows he cannot do it inside. So now whenever I bring him for his walk, I'd carry him in my arms to take the lift because he's small enough, and I only put him down when I am downstairs. But Cookie is huge, I'd break my spine if I were to carry him. I used to be able to, but now he's grown bigger and I can't. He used to pee in the corridor too, when he was a puppy. BUT he has since stopped. I know it wasn't a habit, I know he just needed to learn. And I did teach him, and he's not like that anymore. But did my neighbours give him time to learn? No, they didn't. They just went blabbering to the authorities like stupid yipping bitches. And now that he's learned not to pee in the corridor, it's too late. I never allow my dogs to run free in the corridor, especially not Cookie because he's too rambunctious. Gucci is fine because he doesn't bother anyone else at all. He doesn't give a shit unless it's a cat or another dog. If I have to let Cookie run in the corridor, I do so at 4am in the dead of the night. Who is out in the corridor at 4am? Could I really be terrorising those neighbours if they're not even out of their house? *RoLLs eYeS*

I remembered a friend's friend who had to move from a semi-detached house to a HDB flat and had to try and rehome their 7-year-old mongrel because they couldn't bring him along. I tried asking around and Genevieve told me they could try writing to the AVA for an excuse because nobody would want to adopt a 7-year-old dog, much less a mongrel. I don't know if they succeeded, but because I recalled Gen said that, I called AVA once on my own to ask for an excuse about Cookie. That was maybe 2 months ago or something. A lady answered, and I just said I would like to enquire something. So I related my predicament but she kept on insisting rules are rules. I didn't even care that I broke down over the phone. She asked for my name and address, and all I said to her was, "Do you think I am stupid? You're gonna send someone down right?" I told her that I looked up the "Vision/Mission/Values" on their website and it stated under their goals:

Promote animal welfare.

And then in their values:

Agility : Be adaptable, innovative and responsive.
Integrity : Be honest, fair and open.

Now you tell me if they're being adaptable when they can't even adapt to my proposal with an open mind? And Cookie has a perfectly good welfare now, why do they choose to force me to give him up and demote his welfare when they stated their goal was to promote animal welfare? She didn't have a retort for me for that. I was on such a roll, I added, "So many people live in HDB flats and they keep mongrels. Why you all never go and catch them? Because! They don't have neighbours who are fucked-up asses." She was stunned, I could almost hear it through the silence over the phone. But why did I care? Why should I when I am in the middle of all this unfairness? She actually had the cheek to tell me, "You just got to find him another home, if not you'd have to surrender him to us and we'd put him to sleep." I told her, "I'd never put him to sleep. That is not a choice at all." Who, if they have a heart, would put a perfectly well and smart dog to sleep? Do you know what happens if I really surrender Cookie to the AVA? THIS will happen:



When Cookie first came, I told my mum I didn't intend to keep him amidst her nagging. I wasn't even lying, but I also didn't expect it would be so difficult to rehome him. I even tried "bribing" ASD Volunteers, by telling them I'd donate a token sum if they could manage to find Cookie a loving home. But they didn't even want to consider my offer, telling me that they were really over-populated. Time stretched and even my mum relented and I think Cookie stole a little of her heart too, because when I showed her the above video, she cried. I told her that would be Cookie if the authorities were to get him. Some nights, I lie awake and think of things, worry about Cookie and his welfare, and get angry with myself that I can't save them all. There are so many, so many abandoned dogs and cats out there. Every single one of them deserves to be loved. Every. Single. One. But instead they are rounded up and killed because no one has the time and space to love them. I find this the saddest thing in the world. They don't have a say, but I'm sure if they had a voice, they'd tell you, "I don't want to die." Actually they do, when some cry while others let their bladder go during the last moment out of fear and terror. But it's too late then, isn't it?

The lady told me that rules are rules, they're doing their job. Yes, but please don't tell me you're born to walk the straight and narrow. Unless you're Mother Teresa, and I'm sure even she has sinned. I know Cookie is hard to handle, I know he barks in unfamiliar surroundings and I know he's been rejected many times by home-boarders. I also know that I am NOT the most patient person in the world. Patience has never been my virtue, I'm sure a lot of my friends know that. But even I got past it with Cookie, I just don't see how someone else cannot. I have the AVA, the Town Council, my mum nagging me about them, and then I have F1. I have too much on my plate for now and they chose this time to bug me.

I am so tired. I have never fought so hard for a dog before. I know I am unable to keep him, and I am terribly against the idea of giving him up or being separated from him. I cry just thinking about it. No. I have separation anxiety. It totally breaks my heart to be saying all these here and there he is, bouncing around behind me, not having a clue of what could be in store for him. I could explain it to him over and over, but he wouldn't ever understand. All he thinks is that someone is abandoning him. Again.

I have no choice. I really don't. Do I? If there is anyone who could let me borrow their "semi-detached home and above" address for a license, I would deeply appreciate the gesture. I also hereby appeal for foster care for Cookie, he just needs an "AVA-approved" roof over his head, but I will bear all costs.

So many people read my blog. Surely there must be a way? I can't just let them take him away like that to die. It's inhumane, totally unacceptable and as long as I have a say, never happening. Please help.